woman jokes

A woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

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On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men have good jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men have good jobs and are attractive.
‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men have good jobs and are attractive and love kids.
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men have good jobs and are attractive and love kids and help with the housework.
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men have good jobs and are attractive and love kids and help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

2017-08-22T04:55:32+00:00 22.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door.

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A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door.
She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there.
He asks the lady, “Do you have a Vagina?”
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a Vagina?”
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again.”
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door.
The husband whisperes to the wife, “Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the
question because I want to a see where he’s going with this.”
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, “Do you have a Vagina?”
“Yes I do.” says the lady.
The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours!”

2017-08-18T21:59:21+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments

A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

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The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.”

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”

The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”

The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.”

“No, that is still too crude. Try again.”

They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.”

The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?”

“Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”

2017-08-17T12:30:01+00:00 17.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , |0 Comments

A woman has identical twins and gives them up for adoption

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One of the twin boys is adopted by a family in Spain and is named Juan. The other boy is adopted by a family in Egypt, who name him Jamal.

Years later, her son Juan connects with her and sends him a picture of himself with his family.

Feeling moved and happy that Juan is doing well, she sighs to her husband, “I wish I could see the other one, too.”

Her husband looks at her and says, “Well, honey, they’re identical twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Jamal!”

2017-08-16T02:17:38+00:00 16.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments

A police officer pulls over a woman for speeding… (good old #4032)

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…And they have the following exchange?

Officer: May I see your driver’s license?

Driver: I don’t have one. I stole this car.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There’s a BODY in the trunk?!

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.

The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who’s car is this?

Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’s card.

The driver indeed owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

It turns out the trunk is empty.

Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

2017-08-14T21:54:41+00:00 14.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments
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