walking jokes

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely..

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..so God asked Adam, “What is bothering you?”

Adam said, “Lord, I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

God said, “Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a ‘woman’. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give ‘love’ and compassion whenever needed. She will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. She will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don’t have time for nonsense…

…but she’s gonna cost you.”

“Cost me what?” Adam asked.

God replied, “An arm and a leg.”

Adam said, “What can I get for just a rib?”

2017-08-20T19:29:12+00:00 20.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

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The first blonde says, “Hey, look at that, deer tracks!”

The second blonde chimes in and responds, “No, Becky, those are moose tracks!”

The third blonde steps in and says, “You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!”

The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.

2017-08-18T00:14:06+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments

A man is walking home one foggy night,

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When behind him he hears:

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

He looks back, but the source of the sound is obscured by the fog. He continues walking.

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

He begins to walk faster, and looks back over his shoulder as he hurries along. He sees the faint outline of a coffin standing upright, hopping along after him.

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

Terrified, the man begins to run, cutting through an alley in hopes of losing his pursuer, but the coffin follows quickly.

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

Faster and faster he goes, until he finally reaches his house. Out of breath, he lets himself in and slams the door shut behind him, locking the deadbolt. He backs away from the door as he hears banging on the other side:

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

CRASH!

The coffin bursts through the door, unhinging its lid. The lid swings wildly as it hops after him, and he screams and runs up the stairs.

Clappity-thump…

Clappity-thump…

Clappity-thump…

He runs into the bathroom and shuts the door, cowering against the back wall. Again, it rams into the door, smashing it open.

The man searches frantically for something to defend himself with. He sees a bottle of cough syrup on the counter and snatches it up. Desperately, he throws it at the coffin, and…

The coffin stops.

2017-08-17T02:14:00+00:00 17.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments

Walking home after a girls’ night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee

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The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman’s husband phones the second woman’s husband, furious: “My wife came home last night without her panties!”

“That’s nothing,” says the other. “Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, ‘From all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you.'”

2017-08-15T08:28:43+00:00 15.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , , |0 Comments

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex.

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A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex.
The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father “Daddy, what are they doing?”
The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says “they’re just making a puppy.”
“OK” says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn’t probe further.
The next day, the son bursts into his parents’ room and sees them having sex.
The father jumps up and quickly covers himself.
Knowing he’s in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table.
His son asks him “Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?”
Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says “me and mommy were making a baby.”
His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies “flip mommy over, I want a puppy!”

2017-08-13T16:58:14+00:00 13.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , |0 Comments

Two guys are walking through a game park and come across a lion that has not eaten for days.

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The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, “Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord.” He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: “Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive.”

2017-08-03T20:48:10+00:00 3.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , |0 Comments

A farmer sees a boy walking down his drive with something in his hand

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The farmer says “boy what you got in your hand”?boy says Chicken wire, I’m Gnna catch me some chickens……farmer says “you can’t catch chickens with that chicken wire….the boy comes walking back after a bit…has 6 chickens in the chicken wire…

Next day..farmer sees the boy…”boy what you got in your hands”? Boy says “Duct Tape” Gnna go catch me some ducks….farmer says “boy you can’t catch no ducks with that”….the boy comes walking back after a bit….has 8 ducks wrapped in the duct tape…

Next day…farmer sees the boy…”boy what you got in your hands”? Boy says “Pussy Willows”….farmer says “hold on, let me get my hat”

2017-07-29T09:01:12+00:00 29.7.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments

A man is walking over a bridge and he sees a beautiful woman about to jump…

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He tries to talk her down, but she’s too distraught. Finally, he says to her, “Well, if you’re gonna kill yourself anyway, why not give me a nice blowjob first?”

She replies, “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway. I guess I might as well make *somebody* happy before I die.”

So she climbs down off the railing and give the dude one of the most amazing experiences of his life. When it’s over, he’s completely dazed. “That was incredible!” he says. “Why the hell is someone as gorgeous as you with such… *talents* trying to kill themselves anyway?”

“It’s my father. He disowned me.”

“But why!?”

“For dressing up as a woman.”

2017-07-26T22:09:39+00:00 26.7.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , |0 Comments
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