small jokes

A priest in a small irish village loved the rooster…

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The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.
He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation,

‘Has anybody got a cock?

All the men stood up.

‘No, no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?’

All the women stood up.

‘No, no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them?’

Half the women stood up.

‘No, no,’ he said, ‘that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?’

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

2017-08-21T00:05:20+00:00 21.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments

There were three country churches in a small Texas town: Presbyterian, Methodist and Catholic

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Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels. One day, the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. 

After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

The Methodist group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creations.

So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

It was only the Catholics who were able to come up with the best and most effective solution:

They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter.

2017-08-07T14:02:37+00:00 7.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , |0 Comments

What do you call a Frenchman with a shovel in his hand, hiding out in a small British country town with his cousin because he is under investigation for tax evasion, recovering from mild hypothermia after falling in the lake and with around $3000 to his name which he intends to spend on a small car?

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Doug (because of the shovel)

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women…

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Mixing the Renault ‘Clio’ and the Ford ‘Taurus’ they have designed the ‘Clitaurus’.

It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won’t be able to find it – let alone turn it on – even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumour has it though, it can be a real bitch to start in the morning!

Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can’t get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of.

Used models may initially appear to have kerb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the kerb weight typically increases with age.

Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the boot increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status.

Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace when it becomes troublesome.

2017-07-23T13:36:29+00:00 23.7.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , , |0 Comments
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