Putin jokes

Vladamir Putin, Donald Trump, and Kim Jong Un all die and go to hell.

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While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it’s for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Donald Trump calls America and talks for 2 hours.
When he was finished the devil informs him that his cost is 6
million dollars, so The Don writes him a check. Finally Kim Jong Un gets his turn and he’s talking to all his friends, his harem, and all his generals for 20 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that his cost would be $1.
When Trump and Putin hear this they go ballistic and ask the devil why Kim Jong Un got to call North Korea for so cheap. The devil replied, “Well, from hell to hell it’s local.”

2017-08-13T07:44:37+00:00 13.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , |0 Comments

Merkel, Putin and Obama are at a conference

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when they decide to go outside for some fresh air and talk.

Together they stroll along the coast, as Obama suddendly starts to brag: “Our nuclear submarines can stay underwater for days, without ever needing to emerge!”

Putin smirks and encouters: “Is nothing amerikansky, our nuclear submarines can stay underwater for almost 2 weeks!”

Not being able to add to the conversation, Merkel just stared around and whistled a humble tune, when suddendly, a submarine emerged just a short distance from the coastline.

In surprise, Obama, Putin and Merkel halted and looked towards the submarine. They were able to see an elderly man climb out of the hatch whom proceeded to shout: ” Heil Hitler, we need gasoline!”

2017-07-20T09:57:08+00:00 20.7.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments

Trump, Putin and Merkel…

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…take a nice walk along the shore. Putin is boasting: “Russia now has submarine that can stay underwater for two weeks without needing to resurface for fuel! Pretty impressive, eh?”

Trump obviously can’t leave it at that, so he tells Putin: “America has submarines, and other stuff too, I’m telling you, lots of stuff, and it’s great stuff, and our submarines can stay underwater, and also, they don’t need to come back up to the surface or resurface, for two months, because I made them great again!”

Merkel is just about to change the topic to export politics when suddenly a submarine resurfaces next to the three, the hatch opens and a man salutes out of it: “Heil Hitler! We need Diesel.”

2017-07-17T12:30:23+00:00 17.7.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.

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They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.

Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says “Please Putin, I have a wife and children!” Putin lets him go.

Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says “Please Putin, I have a wife and children!”

2017-07-04T12:00:28+00:00 4.7.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |0 Comments
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