I think about how I’ll go one day too. I’ve struggled so much, endured so many hardships only to realize it doesn’t matter now. Maybe I should’ve made an effort to be happier, but does it really matter now? I’m just going to die anyway, just like them. Maybe I’ll never come up with an answer, but it won’t matter soon enough.
I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me
An older couple is getting married. The husband-to-be looks at his bride and asks, “What’s your opinion on sex?”
The bride says, “I prefer it infrequently.”
The man replies, “Is infrequently one word or two?”
An older man walks into a bar wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat, and a phony beard. He sits down and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, “Going to a party?”
“Yeah, a costume party,” the man answers, “I’m supposed to come dressed as my love life.”
“But you look like Abe Lincoln,” protests the bartender.
“That’s right. My last four scores were seven years ago.”
The doctor asks to see the man alone in the hallway.
Once they’re alone the doctor says to the man, “There’s been a mix-up in your wife’s test results. It might take a few days to a week to clear up. What we do know, though, is that she either has AIDS or Alzheimer’s.”
The man cries out, “This is terrible! What should I do?”
“Well.”, replied the doctor, “If I were you, I’d take her and drop her off on the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don’t fuck her.”
And he hears them use the words penis and vagina. So he goes to his mother later and asks, “Mom, what does penis and vagina mean?”
The mother replies, “Oh! Well son, penis is kind of like a hat, and vagina is like a coat.”
Later that night, he hears his parents in an argument, calling each other bitch and bastard. The next day, he asks his father, “Dad, what is bitch and bastard?”
“Well son,” the father replies, “bitch Is a word like lady, and bastard is like a gentleman.”
A few days later, Thanksgiving day comes, and everyone is getting ready. The boy passes by his dad shaving in the bathroom, who cuts himself and exclaimed, “shit!”
So the boy asks, “Dad, what does shit mean?”
And the father simply says, “Oh, that’s just the type of shaving cream I use.”
The boy then passes by the kitchen, where his mother is carving the turkey, who also cuts herself with the knife saying, “Fuck!”
And again, the boy asks, “Mom, what is fuck?”
“Oh,” she says, “That’s just the type of way I carve the turkey every year.”
Not long after the guests arrive, and they tell the boy to answer the door. He opens it saying, “Hello bitches and bastards, come in and relax while I take your penises and vaginas, right now my dad is in the bathroom scraping the shit off his face and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey.”