Not my cup of tea, obviously…
A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new
models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000.” ;
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie
and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is…..?”
In my group of friends I’m pretty sure it’s Marc. He’s really cute
Somehow I’m never one of them.
If a woman has sex with 10 different men, she’s considered a slut, but if a man does the same thing…
…he is gay. Definitely gay.
“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!”
“Ah, that’s nothin’,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you can’t even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin’ comes out!”
“Actually,” said the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”
“Do you have trouble peeing too?” asked the 60-year-old.
“No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all.”
“Do you have trouble crapping?”
“No, I crap every morning at 6:30.”
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, “Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what’s so tough about being 80?”
“I don’t wake up until 7:00.”
90% kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wives.
Two old men were holding up the queue outside the turnstyle before the game, while one of them hunted for his ticket. He looked in his coat pockets and his waistcoat pockets and his trouser pockets, all to no avail. ‘Hang on a minute,’ said the gateman. ‘What’s that in your mouth?’ It was the missing ticket!
As they moved inside his mate said, ‘Crikey, Cyril! You must be getting senile in your old age. Fancy having your ticket in your mouth and forgetting about it!’
‘I’m not’ that stupid,’ said old Cyril. ‘I was chewing last week’s date off it…
How are they then supposed to clean the rest of the house?