A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
Everything is dark now, dare I say it, I must have won.
A really bad comb.
The front row of a Neo nazi rally.
Happy Horse Mask Day everyone!
Because then it would be a foot.
No really it is
Suzie was the teacher’s pet – A’s in every class. One day a stranger stood in front of the lecture hall for her writing course.
‘Sorry students, your professor has been in a terrible accident and I will be leading this course for the remainder of the year.’
No problem – Suzie looked forward to the opportunity to impress yet another teacher.
The teacher continued, ‘I am not familiar with the syllabus for this course, and your teacher is unable to communicate. Well, this is a writing course, so let’s just write something. Each of you will submit a play. One scene is due each week for the remainder of the semester. The scenes will be submitted for review each Friday and your final grade will be dependent solely on this play.’
Great, thought Suzie. She was working on a couple of plays anyway.
For the first week, Suzie opened her play by setting the scene. It was about a girl who had just moved to a new city. She described the new city and the girl’s emotions – trepidation, anxiety… excitement. Suzie was very excited to submit the first scene.
Scenes were returned with grades and critique on Monday. Suzie’s pages were littered with red ink which was concluded with a large ‘C’ on the final page. Suzie was crushed. She looked to her right, where Tad was beaming at the ‘A-‘ on his page. She read the words, apparently a conversation between Horatio and Marcellus.
‘Wait,’ she asked, ‘are you writing about Hamlet?’ What an idea, to explore the Bard’s universe and build on those well-known characters.
‘Nah,’ he replied, ‘I didn’t write anything. I just submitted the first scene.’
‘And you got an A? The writing teacher didn’t recognize Hamlet?’
‘Well, my bro had this teacher before. He gave me the heads up…. This sub does not appreciate original content.’
A woman (we’ll call her Sally) is pregnant with triplets. She goes to a bank to get some money from her account, but unfortunately, the bank is being robbed. The robber shoots her three times with a gun. Each bullet hits one of her triplets, but she survives and so do they. Three months later, she gives birth to them – two girls and one boy. She names the girls Amy and Mel, and she names the boy Jake.
Their lives went well, without any problems. Until one day, when Sally hears a sound of something hard hitting porcelain. She assumes that it’s just the dog, but then Amy comes to her and looks white as a ghost. Sally asks: “What’s wrong?” Amy explains: “I was peeing, and then a bullet fell into the toilet!” Sally tells her what happened, and she calms down. A few days later, Mel comes to her with the same problem. Just like she did with Amy, she explains everything to Mel.
One week later, Jake runs up to her, looking just as scared as the girls were when the bullets in their bodies came out. Sally says: “Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out.”
Jake replies: “No, I was jacking off and shot the dog!”