home jokes

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door.

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A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door.
She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there.
He asks the lady, “Do you have a Vagina?”
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a Vagina?”
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again.”
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door.
The husband whisperes to the wife, “Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the
question because I want to a see where he’s going with this.”
She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, “Do you have a Vagina?”
“Yes I do.” says the lady.
The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours!”

2017-08-18T21:59:21+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments

A man is walking home one foggy night,

32

When behind him he hears:

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

He looks back, but the source of the sound is obscured by the fog. He continues walking.

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

He begins to walk faster, and looks back over his shoulder as he hurries along. He sees the faint outline of a coffin standing upright, hopping along after him.

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

Terrified, the man begins to run, cutting through an alley in hopes of losing his pursuer, but the coffin follows quickly.

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

Faster and faster he goes, until he finally reaches his house. Out of breath, he lets himself in and slams the door shut behind him, locking the deadbolt. He backs away from the door as he hears banging on the other side:

Thump…

Thump…

Thump…

CRASH!

The coffin bursts through the door, unhinging its lid. The lid swings wildly as it hops after him, and he screams and runs up the stairs.

Clappity-thump…

Clappity-thump…

Clappity-thump…

He runs into the bathroom and shuts the door, cowering against the back wall. Again, it rams into the door, smashing it open.

The man searches frantically for something to defend himself with. He sees a bottle of cough syrup on the counter and snatches it up. Desperately, he throws it at the coffin, and…

The coffin stops.

2017-08-17T02:14:00+00:00 17.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments

A Mexican man cannot find work and finally heads home for the evening.

26

On his way home, he finds a cross at the bottom of a hill. So he kneels and prays to God, “Please God, let me find a way to feed my family”.

At the top of this hill, a black man was walking home from grocery shopping when the bottom of his bag gave out and a cheese wheel rolled straight down towards the Mexican man.

When the Mexican man opened his eyes, lo-and-behold, there was a gigantic wheel of cheese at his feet. Overjoyed, he picked up the cheese and ran all the way home. He showed his wife the cheese and said “Look what God has provided us! The most glorious cheese I have ever seen! And, my fair wife, we must make Nachos with this cheese!”

The wife looked perplexed, and asked, “Why husband? Why must we make nachos?”

The man stood up and proclaimed, “Because God talked to me. As I was running home, he kept telling me “That’s Not’cho Cheese!!! That’s Not’cho Cheese!!!”

(Can’t remember the comedian who told this on tv like 25 years ago. But best joke ever)

2017-08-15T22:39:36+00:00 15.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , |0 Comments

Walking home after a girls’ night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee

25

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman’s husband phones the second woman’s husband, furious: “My wife came home last night without her panties!”

“That’s nothing,” says the other. “Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, ‘From all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you.'”

2017-08-15T08:28:43+00:00 15.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , , |0 Comments

A man came home to his wife who had the BDSM equipment out [NSFW]

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Wife: “Come and play with me”
Man: “Okay…”

He tied her down, and one of the things the woman was into was using objects that aren’t meant for sexual use for her pleasure.

So, the man went into the backyard and got a wooden post from the fence.

He walked back in and slid the post up the woman’s ass, but it slid out. He tried again and again, but every time it fell out. The man asked himself what could be wrong.

And then he realized, there was just simply too much reposting on this sub.

2017-08-15T04:57:18+00:00 15.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments
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