duck jokes

A duck walks into a bar

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He hops up onto a bar stool and the bartender, after regarding him for a bit, asks him “what can I get for you, duck”?

The duck says “I’ll have a negroni,” to which the bartender nods. He’s a good customer, and has been for a long time obviously, and they often engage in philosophical banter.

“Duck,” says the bartender, “you see that horse down there? I asked him ‘why the long face’ and it turns out his family was killed when lightning struck their barn and he can still hear their screams”.

The duck pauses and looks down into his drink, and after a minute, speaks “Bartender, his family is waiting for him in the next life, a place from which our vision is obscured due to a complex barrier of biological and logical puzzles we cannot pierce as physical beings.” He sips his drink, continuing “this life, as all things – including his pain – is transitory and we are all destined to be one in the great hereafter. Please send him a gin and soda and my regards”. The bartender asks, “should I…put it on your bill?”
Though he does have a running tab, the duck shakes his head, “no, today I’ll pay for this one in cash”.

2017-08-17T23:08:47+00:00 17.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments

How does a duck know which direction South is?

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And how to tell his wife from all the other ducks?

You can cut a chicken’s head off

And it will keep on running and twitchin’.

When everything seems planned out

When everything seems nicely planned out

Well the human race will come and smack your face

How come all my body parts so nicely fit together?

All my organs doing their jobs, no help from me, no

A person pulls a spider’s leg out

To watch it keep on moving and twitching

When everything seems planned out

When everything seems nicely planned out

Well the human race will come and smack your face

Satan lives here

On grain and earth, rain and air

How come I just smoke and smoke and smoke

And curse every butt I spit out?

All night long I grind my teeth and I wake up when I cough

You can put me in and iron lung

And I will keep on breathing and twitching

When everything seems planned out

When everything seems nicely planned out

Well the human race will come and smack your face

You might be dead, but you keep your head

– Crash Test Dummies

2017-07-25T04:54:20+00:00 25.7.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments
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