Donald jokes

My Donald Trump impression:

1

*said like President Trump*

Chief Justice Roberts, President Carter, President Clinton, President Bush, President Obama, fellow Americans, and people of the world, thank you. We the citizens of America are now joined in a great national effort to rebuild our country and restore its promise for all of our people. Together we will determine the course of America, and the world, for many, many years to come. We will face challenges. We will confront hardships, but we will get the job done.

Every four years, we gather on these steps to carry out the orderly and peaceful transfer of power, and we are grateful to President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama for their gracious aid throughout this transition. They have been magnificent. Thank you.

Today’s ceremony, however, has very special meaning, because today we are not merely transferring power from one administration to another, or from one party to another, but we are transferring power from Washington, D.C., and giving it back to you, the people.

For too long, a small group in our nation’s capital has reaped the rewards of government, while the people have borne the cost. Washington flourished, but the people did not share in its wealth. Politicians prospered, but the jobs left and the factories closed. The establishment protected itself, but not the citizens of our country. Their victories have not been your victories. Their triumphs have not been your triumphs, and while they celebrated in our nation’s capital, there was little to celebrate for struggling families all across our land. That all changes, starting right here and right now, because this moment is your moment — it belongs to you. It belongs to everyone gathered here today, and everyone watching, all across America. This is your day. This is your celebration, and this, the United States of America, is your country.

What truly matters is not which party controls our government, but whether our government is controlled by the people. January 20th, 2017 will be remembered as the day the people became the rulers of this nation again. The forgotten men and women of our country, will be forgotten no longer. Everyone is listening to you now. You came by the tens of millions to become part of a historic movement, the likes of which the world has never seen before. At the center of this movement is a crucial conviction, that a nation exists to serve its citizens. Americans want great schools for their children, safe neighborhoods for their families, and good jobs for themselves. These are just and reasonable demands of righteous people and a righteous public, but for too many of our citizens a different reality exists. Mothers and children trapped in poverty in our inner cities, rusted out factories, scattered like tombstones across the across the landscape of our nation, an education system flush with cash, but which leaves our young and beautiful students deprived of all knowledge, and the crime, and the gangs, and the drugs that have stolen too […]

2017-08-14T23:18:25+00:00 14.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments

Vladamir Putin, Donald Trump, and Kim Jong Un all die and go to hell.

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While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it’s for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Donald Trump calls America and talks for 2 hours.
When he was finished the devil informs him that his cost is 6
million dollars, so The Don writes him a check. Finally Kim Jong Un gets his turn and he’s talking to all his friends, his harem, and all his generals for 20 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that his cost would be $1.
When Trump and Putin hear this they go ballistic and ask the devil why Kim Jong Un got to call North Korea for so cheap. The devil replied, “Well, from hell to hell it’s local.”

2017-08-13T07:44:37+00:00 13.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , |0 Comments

Donald Trump went to London and met with the Queen

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“Your Queenship, “ he asked her. “I am finding things way more difficult than I could have imagined. May I ask you – how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well,” replied Her Majesty, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Trump frowned.

“But how do you know the people around you are really intelligent?” he asked.

“Oh, that’s easy” the Queen replied. “You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle”.

She pushed a button on her intercom. “Please send Theresa May in here.”

The Prime Minister walked into the room.

“You called for me, Your Majesty?”

“Answer me this, if you would, Theresa. “ the Queen said. “Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”

Without pausing for even a second, Theresa May answered, “That would be me.”

“Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.

Trump went back home, returned to the White House and the very next day called for Mike Pence to come and see him.

Pence duly trotted in to the Oval Office

“Mike, answer this for me,’ said the Don. “Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”

“I’m not sure,” said Pence. “Let me get back to you on that one.

Pence went panicking off to his advisers and asked everyone, but none of them could give him an answer.

The next night, as it happened, Pence ran in to Hillary Clinton in a restaurant. By now, desperate for an answer to give to his tyrannical boss, he approached her – much to her surprise.

“Hillary, I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye but I would really appreciate it if you could answer this riddle for me

“Sure, Mike “Hillary said. “I’m not one to hold a grudge. What is it?”

“Thanks, said Pence,” It’s this. Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Hillary answered right back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”

Pence smiled, “Thanks!”

Pence then went back to speak with Trump. “Say, boss, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Hillary Clinton.”

Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled at him. “No, you idiot! It’s Teresa May!!”

2017-08-11T06:39:29+00:00 11.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments
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