My goldfish died and I only got to take him on one walk.
It was a messy miscarriage.
My friend’s dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog.
She was furious, she said “what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
…….is delivered to a local mortuary and he’s wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, “I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.”
The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?”
To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, “There’s no charge.”
“No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,” she says.
“Honestly, ma’am it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So I just switched the heads.”
The genie says I have one wish left.
It’s a city in Michigan about an hour away from Detroit. It’s where his family had lived for generations, and his mother wanted him buried in the family plot even though the last time they spoke he essentially disowned her over her decision to stay with his abusive step father. The step father drank upon hearing the news, but you couldn’t really tell that day from any other Tuesday.
…then who died for our cos and tan?
There we were, left sans-sheriff
He was mauled by a giant crab.