die jokes

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die.

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A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die.
They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line.” And they do so.
St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?”
The Sister Responds “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta… touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…”
St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…”
“Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!”
Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

2017-08-19T08:52:08+00:00 19.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments

“Daddy, how do stars die?”

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“When stars like our sun have used up their reserves of hydrogen, they have to rearrange their internal structures to burn other elements, such as carbon. Eventually they expand so much that they cannot hold onto their atmospheres, which blow off as planetary nebulas, leaving the stellar core behind. The stars then continue to shine for billions of years as white dwarfs. Stars that are much more massive than the sun experience far more violent deaths, exploding as supernovas and then collapsing under their own gravity to leave behind superdense neutron stars or even black holes.”, Daddy replied to the bemusement of his son.

2017-08-16T14:45:07+00:00 16.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments

Vladamir Putin, Donald Trump, and Kim Jong Un all die and go to hell.

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While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it’s for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Donald Trump calls America and talks for 2 hours.
When he was finished the devil informs him that his cost is 6
million dollars, so The Don writes him a check. Finally Kim Jong Un gets his turn and he’s talking to all his friends, his harem, and all his generals for 20 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that his cost would be $1.
When Trump and Putin hear this they go ballistic and ask the devil why Kim Jong Un got to call North Korea for so cheap. The devil replied, “Well, from hell to hell it’s local.”

2017-08-13T07:44:37+00:00 13.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , |0 Comments

In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time

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They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter. When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven. Each of the nuns has studied their bible well, so they don’t feel worried by this. The first nun steps forward and tells the saint that she’s ready.

“Who was the first woman?” Peter asks. “That’s easy!” exclaims the nun. “Eve!”. Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open.

The second nun, encouraged by her colleague’s easy pass, steps forwards and tells Peter that she’s ready as well.

“Who was the first man?” Peter asks. “Easy! That’s Adam!” says the nun, excitedly. Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open.

The third nun is now confident that she won’t have any trouble, and steps up to face Peter’s question. “What were Eve’s first words to Adam?” he asks. “My, that’s a hard one,” the nun replies worriedly, but Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open…

2017-08-05T12:51:26+00:00 5.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments
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