day jokes

A man was browsing Craigslist one day…

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…when he comes across this insane deal. A good-as-new Porsche, for 20 bucks. “It’s a prank,” he thinks. “Like that Hooters girl and the Toyota/’toy Yoda’ thing.” Still, he’s not really in need of $20, so he decides to be a good sport and humor the seller.

He drives out to the address in the ad and it’s this big mansion, clearly owned by somebody who can at least afford a normal-priced Porsche. Waiting there is a little old lady who takes him into the garage; sure enough, inside is a full-size Porsche with barely a dent in it. He’s still wary, though; maybe the engine is broken in a way that can’t be repaired and doesn’t show on the outside of the car?

So he asks to take the car for a test drive, and it works like a charm. Finally convinced it’s no joke, he pulls back up to the mansion to give payment. As he’s doing so, he asks, “Listen ma’am, the Porsche is great and all, but why sell it for so cheap?”

The woman begins, “It used to be my husband’s, you see…”

The man’s face crumples, “Oh, I’m so sorry…”

The woman shakes her head, “No, he’s still very much alive. But he ran off with his secretary a few weeks ago, you see, and sent me a message…”

“What did he say?”

“He said, ‘Sell the Porsche and send me the money.'”

2017-08-21T09:53:26+00:00 21.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve

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…..and says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

‘Dad, what are you talking about?’ the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says.

“We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they’re getting divorced!” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”

She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. ‘Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way.’

2017-08-19T12:29:13+00:00 19.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , |0 Comments

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing…..

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He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he
hears, Rib bit 9 Iron.”

The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. Again, he hears, “Rib bit 9 Iron.” He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing.

You must be a lucky frog, eh?

The frog replies, “Rib bit Lucky frog.”
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

“What do you think frog?” the man asks. “Rib bit 3 wood.”

The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The
man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end
of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, “OK where to next?”

The frog replies, “Rib bit Las Vegas.

” They go to Las Vegas
and the guy says, “OK frog, now what?” The frog says, “Rib bit Roulette.” Upon approaching the roulette table, The man
asks, “What do you think I should bet?” The frog replies, “Rib bit
$3000, black 6.”

Now, this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you.
You’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful.”

The frog replies,
“Rib bit Kiss Me.”
He figures why not,
since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. “And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God

2017-08-17T04:31:38+00:00 17.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments

A very sad day today

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After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients (they were very good friends) and can now no longer work in the profession he loves. What a waste of freckin’ time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

2017-08-16T17:57:11+00:00 16.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments
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