bus jokes

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on

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They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of he men say the following:

“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”

“You foul mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m
just tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”

2017-08-06T13:45:00+00:00 6.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments

Three Men Are In A Bus Crash

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Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. “Gentlemen,” the Devil started, “Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don’t know or cannot answer, then you’re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you’ll come with me to Hell.”

The philosopher then stepped up, “OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates’ teachings.” With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. “Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked, “Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!” With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. “Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said, “Bring me a chair!” The Devil brought forward a chair. “Drill 7 holes on the seat.” The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, “Which hole did my fart come out from?” The Devil inspected the seat and said,”The third hole from the right.” “Wrong,” said the idiot, “it’s from my asshole.” And the idiot went to heaven.

2017-08-05T19:01:02+00:00 5.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments

A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

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The bus driver says: ‘Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!’

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.

She says to a man next to her: ‘The driver just insulted me!’

The man quickly replies ‘You go up there and tell that bastard off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.’

2017-07-28T22:17:37+00:00 28.7.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments

A man is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on.

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The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. “Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and I must have sex with you.” he says.

“I’m sorry but I’ve given my body to God” she replies and then leaves.

Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says “I know a way you can get her in the sack.” The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to the cemetery every night at 9 to pray, and if he dresses up and convinces her he’s God, she might have sex with him.

That night at 9, the man is in the cemetery hiding behind a gravestone. When the nun approaches in the darkness he jumps out and says “Sister, I am God and I command you to have sex with me.” She replies “Well I mustn’t deny God. However I want to remain a virgin so I will only take it up the ass.”

The guy figures this isn’t a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever.
After it is over he whips off his outfit and says “Surprise, I’m the guy on the bus”

With that the nun turns around and says
“Surprise, I’m the bus driver.”

2017-07-05T07:55:38+00:00 5.7.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments
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