big jokes

A New York writer is tired of all the people and noise of the big city

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He believes that a quiet place will help him focus so that he can finish his novel. The man moves to an island in Northern Europe with pasture as far as the eye can see and no other houses for miles. After a year of writing he starts to feel lonely. Then, he hears a booming knock on his door. When he opens it there is a giant mountain of a man standing at his doorstep; his beard reaches to his belly and his arms are as thick as tree trunks. The huge man speaks and it sounds like thunder:

“I see you’ve been living here awhile and I thought you might be feeling a wee bit lonely. So, I thought I’d invite you to a party.”

The writer is very intimidated by the man but the thought of this party does get him excited. He just wants some details before he agrees. He asks, “Will there be food?”

“Aye!” the giant replies, “Your gut will be next to bursting and you’ll need to buy a new belt before the night is through.”

“Well that sounds great, but what about drinks?” the writer asks.

The giant laughs, “Aye, you’ll drink so much you’ll forget your own name.”

The man is starting to really get excited now, “Oh boy, will there be dancing?”

“You’ll spin and twirl all night until you can no longer stand” the giant explains.

The man, now getting into it and feeling a little bold asks, “What about sex?”

“Of course!” the giant yells, “All kinds of hair pulling, squealing like a pig sex that will make you walk weird for a month!”

The man is now practically glowing with excitement, “Oh wow, that sounds like a blast. Do you need me to bring anything?”

The giant then leans down and says, “No I think I should have enough. It will just be the two of us”

2017-08-02T15:43:03+00:00 2.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , |0 Comments

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor…

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They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn’t bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag. Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying:

“One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you.”

He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest

“Father, please come with me . Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery”

They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued:

“One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you.”

Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:

“What about the two at the gate?”

2017-08-01T19:44:47+00:00 1.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments
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