I do it and people say I’ve “got a problem.”
A King enrolled his donkey in a race
Local paper read:
‘KING’s ASS WON’
The king was so upset with this kind
of publicity that he gave the donkey
to the queen.
The local paper then read:
“QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN
The king fainted….
Queen sold the donkey to a farmer
Next day paper read:
“QUEEN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10”
The queen fainted…
The next day king ordered the queen
to buy back the donkey and leave it
The Next Headlines:
“QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS
FREE & WILD”
The king died… !
Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.
He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.
The Doctor said, ‘Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.’
Joe was shocked and depressed.He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife. The surgery cost him $15,000.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a Men’s clothing store and thought, ‘That’s what I need… A new Suit.’
He entered the shop and told the salesman, ‘I’d like a new Suit.’
The elderly Tailor eyed him briefly and said, ‘Let’s see… size 44 long.
Joe laughed, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’
‘Been in the business 60 years!’ the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fitted perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, ‘How about a new shirt?’
Joe thought for a moment and then said, ‘Sure.’
The salesman eyed Joe and said, ‘Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.’
Joe was surprised, ‘That’s right, how did you know?’
‘Been in the business 60 years.’
Joe tried the shirt and it fitted perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, ‘How about some new Underwear?’
Joe thought for a moment and said, ‘Sure..’
The salesman said, ‘Let’s see….. size 36.
Joe laughed, ‘Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old..’
The salesman shook his head, ‘You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your Testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a Headache.’
My wife and I went to the Bull Sale & Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.
We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
‘THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR’
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ……smiled and said, ‘He mated 50 times last year, that’s almost once a week.’
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
”THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR’
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, ‘WOW, That’s more than twice a week ! ………..You could learn a lot from him.’
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
‘THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR’
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
‘That’s once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.’
I looked at her and said,
‘Go over and ask him if every time was with the same old cow.’
In America, you get stoned and be gay
In Iraq, you be gay and get stoned
Father: “That’s great, son. Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter”
Father: “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.”
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later …
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!”
Father: “That’s great son. Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Angela, the other neighbor’s daughter.”
Father: “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Angela is also your sister.”
This went on couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: “Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with four girls but I can’t date any of them because dad is their father!”
The mother hugs him affectionately and says: “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He isn’t your father.”