New jokes

New jokes 2017-07-10T16:03:02+00:00
2

Lightly used condoms for sale, no weirdos.

Lightly used condoms for sale, no weirdos.

2017-08-18T22:56:29+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
1

I jerk off the same way shampoo nourishes my hair, root to tip.

I jerk off the same way shampoo nourishes my hair, root to tip.

2017-08-18T22:40:59+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments
1

Whats the difference between Ea and North Korea

One is a compagny the other one is a country.

2017-08-18T22:27:34+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments
1

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

2017-08-18T22:10:54+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments
1

Well, if we have to vote on the best farm equipment to tell you the height of an angle, I’m protractor.

Well, if we have to vote on the best farm equipment to tell you the height of an angle, I’m protractor.

2017-08-18T22:00:49+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , , , , |0 Comments
15

People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

2017-08-18T21:26:52+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , |0 Comments
14

Three ducks got arrested and had to go to court

The first duck gets up on the stand, the judge says “Tell me your name and what you did wrong.” The first duck says “my name is Quack, and I got busted for blowing bubbles in the pond.” Judge says “Ok, you go to jail for 3 days.”

The second duck gets on the stand and the judge asks the same thing. The duck says “My name is Quack Quack, and I got caught blowing bubbles in the pond.” The judge sends him to jail for 3 days.

The third duck gets up on the stand and the judge says “Let me guess, your name is Quack Quack Quack?” The duck says “Nah, I’m Bubbles.”

2017-08-18T21:03:51+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments
1

What starts with “one” and ends with “free”?

* * * gggggggggggggggggggGgggggggggggggggggg %%% @@ 1939

2017-08-18T20:41:00+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments
1

Ooooh…I thought the riots were concerning those statue street performers.

Ooooh…I thought the riots were concerning those statue street performers.

2017-08-18T19:25:43+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments
1

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar

2017-08-18T19:21:41+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments
17

What’s between an 80 year old woman’s breasts that’s not between a 20 year old woman’s breasts?

A belly button

2017-08-18T18:52:29+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
1

I’m very pleased with my new fridge magnet

I got it as a souvenir from the zoo

2017-08-18T18:52:25+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
1

What did Santa get Mrs. Claus for her birthday?

Nothing, Santa doesn’t exist

2017-08-18T18:31:54+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments
1

When you can’t find out which bird released your private information over the internet: parrotdox.

When you can’t find out which bird released your private information over the internet: parrotdox.

2017-08-18T18:15:47+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , , , , |0 Comments
22

Comas can change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

“Donald is in a hurry.”

“Donald is in a coma.”

2017-08-18T17:48:59+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
1

What is red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

2017-08-18T17:46:33+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
19

In North Korea, we have this joke about Kim Jong-un

[removed]

2017-08-18T17:18:27+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments
16

A guy walks into a bar and orders six Jägermeister shots

The bartender asks him if it’s a special occasion?
The guy answers “Yes, my very first blowjob”.
The bartender gets excited and says “Congratulations, I’ll give you the seventh shot on the house”.
The guy answers “Nah, if six Jäger shots isn’t enough to get rid of the taste, the seventh wont make much of a difference”.

2017-08-18T16:39:25+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments
23

I just spent £500 on a fortune teller, and all she told me was that she had a vision of me masturbating.

I think she saw me coming.

2017-08-18T16:29:50+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments
1

Conspirators are the best interior designers, since it’s an inside job.

Conspirators are the best interior designers, since it’s an inside job.

2017-08-18T16:09:33+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
1

How many babies does it take take too screw in a light bulb

It depends, but for the most part they lack the dexterity and hand eye coordination to get the job done

2017-08-18T16:08:25+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
1

How many dead babies can you fit in a tub?

17

2017-08-18T16:01:21+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
23

science vs. religion

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

2017-08-18T16:00:02+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , |0 Comments
1

My car was giving me trouble so I parked it on the corner.

My car was giving me trouble so I parked it on the corner.

2017-08-18T15:46:50+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments
19

What goes black, white, black, white, black, white, red?

Half a zebra

2017-08-18T15:42:28+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments
29

Where is the line between romance and perversion?

Romance is stroking a woman tenderly with a feather.

Perversion is when that feather is still attached to the chicken.

2017-08-18T15:21:45+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments
24

I told my psychologist that I have suicidal tendencies.

He started charging in advance.

2017-08-18T15:11:28+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
1

Why did the guy get his Dick stuck in a coconut?

He was fucking nuts

2017-08-18T14:27:40+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
14

I have an unemployed joke

Too bad it doesn’t work

2017-08-18T14:25:35+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , |0 Comments
18

I don’t know how to tell you this

Doctor: I don’t know how to tell you this but you really have to stop masturbating.

Patient: Really doctor, why?

Doctor: So I can examine you.

2017-08-18T14:22:45+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: |0 Comments
19

Little Johnny’s teacher asks

“George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn’t punish him?”

Little Johnny replies, “Because George was the one holding the axe!”

2017-08-18T14:22:19+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments
14

An italian is picking up chicks at the bar

While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes loudly.

Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. you finish?”

After a slight pause, she replies, “No.”

Surprised, but pleasantly, he puts out his cigarette, rolls back on top of her, and has his way with her again, this time lasting even longer than the first, and this time completing the deed with even louder shouts.

Again he rolls over, lights a cigarette, and asks, “So…. you finish?”

And again, after a short pause, she simply says “No.”

Stunned, but still acting reflexively on his macho pride, he once again puts out the cigarette, and mounts his companion. This time, with all the strength he could muster up, he barely manages to end the task, but he does, after quite some time and energy is spent.

Barely able to roll over, he reaches for his cigarette, lights it again, and then asks tiredly, “So… you finish?”

She says “No, American.”

2017-08-18T14:19:29+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
14

What’s the difference between EA and North Korea?

North Korea didn’t fuck up as many launches as EA

2017-08-18T14:18:45+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments
1

What is the best part of having early onset dementia

I can’t remeber.

2017-08-18T14:09:18+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
1

Met a Moroccan Magician once that could pull a Rabat out of a hat.

Met a Moroccan Magician once that could pull a Rabat out of a hat.

2017-08-18T13:38:46+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments
1

Hear about the getaway driver from Senegal? Gethin Dakar.

Hear about the getaway driver from Senegal? Gethin Dakar.

2017-08-18T13:28:22+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments
1

I’m very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet…

I don’t know why…

2017-08-18T13:25:12+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: Clean jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments
2

This Fleetwood Mac GPS is terrible, it just keeps telling me to go my own way.

This Fleetwood Mac GPS is terrible, it just keeps telling me to go my own way.

2017-08-18T13:22:52+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments
1

Tried to find “extinction” in the dictionary, but there’s no such thing.

Tried to find “extinction” in the dictionary, but there’s no such thing.

2017-08-18T13:17:18+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments
1

What do you call an elephant without a trunk?

It’s still an elephant, just severely handicapped due to the diminished dexterity.

2017-08-18T12:59:45+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , |0 Comments
1

A penny for your two cents?

A penny for your two cents?

2017-08-18T12:30:24+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , |0 Comments
1

Make a joke with this search engine that find the pornographic actress of your doppelganger or face

http://www.sosiasex.com

2017-08-18T11:24:39+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: Clean jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , |0 Comments
1

Kentucky Freud Chicken – Muthafukin Good

Kentucky Freud Chicken – Muthafukin Good

2017-08-18T11:00:46+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments
1

What do you call Cocaine mixed with Mayonnaise?

Yayoli

2017-08-18T10:58:17+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: Clean jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
17

I’m very pleased with my new fridge magnet

So far I’ve got eight fridges

2017-08-18T10:45:40+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
1

Make a joke with this search engine that find the pornographic actress of your doppelganger or face

http://www.sosiasex.com

2017-08-18T10:41:35+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , , , , , , , |0 Comments
14

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.

Why did 7 eat 9?

Because you need 3 squared meals a day.

The police arrested 3 as well as 7, why?

Because 3 was the root of the problem.

2017-08-18T09:53:29+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: |0 Comments
23

France and Italy go to war. Who wins?

France.

France surrenders, but Italy switches sides.

2017-08-18T09:37:01+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: jokes|Tags: , , , |0 Comments
1

What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?

Eating as much as an elephant eats
What are you at, getting terribly fat
What do you think will come of that
I don’t like the look of it
Oompa loompa doompety da
If you’re not greedy, you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa Doompety do
Doompety do
Oompa loompa doompety doo
I’ve got another puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompeda dee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
Gum chewing’s fine when it’s once in a while
It stops you from smoking and brightens your smile
But it’s repulsive, revolting and wrong
Chewing and chewing all day long
The way that a cow does
Oompa loompa…

2017-08-18T08:28:30+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: bad jokes|Tags: , |0 Comments
1

I know I’m a shitty gynecologist, but you don’t have to rub it in my face.

I know I’m a shitty gynecologist, but you don’t have to rub it in my face.

2017-08-18T08:23:35+00:00 18.8.2017|Categories: good one liner jokes|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments